I can't turn off my brain!

No, I haven't talked to Duane yet... This is all what has exploded in my head while I brushed my teeth... This isn't even going up on my Myspace.
____

I don't even know where this anger should be directed... At Duane? At life? At God? Now I want to know why I got my hopes up... Why I let myself get my hopes up.

WHY does it seem like life always screws me over?

And WHY does this always seem to happen to me?

I'm tired of being girly. I'm tired of being "cute." I'm tired or putting on mascara and make-up and perfume. I'm tired of being a hopeless romantic. I'm tired of dangle-y earrings and high-heels. I'm tired of pink. I'm tired of flirting and being giggly. I'm tired of guys saying to me "I would SO chase after you [BUT]"

I'm tired of all of it.

Don't even tell me. I don't care.

I don't want to know.


Nothing has happened in my life to make any of that seem worth it.


Side-note: I noticed he deleted my comment off his Facebook wall. Not because I'm stalking him, but because I noticed it absent from my Facebook mini-feed. The post wasn't anything bad either. Why???




I want to give up. I want to go live in a house with lots and lots of cats and be a librarian.



And I will say this: If there is ever "another guy" who thinks he likes me... He is gonna have to prove it. Hard core. I will have to be won.


Laura, thank-you for the rose. It means more than I can express here. You have impeccable timing. It really truly means a lot.



The chick-flick switch is back off. 300 is starting to sound like a better movie all the time... Maybe that's what we should go see when I visit Bethel over break... It's rated R... It should have enough blood and gore. It's about war after all...



I hate crying...