Letters...

Dear Winter,

You suck. Where's my snow?

No Love,
Sarah

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Dear Rain,

You suck too. Go away.

No love,
Sarah
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Dear Germs/Virus,

I don't want you. Get out of my body.

No love,
Sarah
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Dear Blogger,

Your formatting is stupid and it makes me mad when I have to go and edit the HTML so that I actually have paragraphs in my blog posts. Why does that happen? Why do you do this to me?

In Frustration,
Sarah
_____________________________

"Okay, so. Let's take some names from a book and use them in a movie..." -Me after seeing Eragon.

Honestly... THAT quote ^ describes the whole movie. Laura and I saw it together this afternoon. It's a good movie, it just should be taken separate from the book... Otherwise you're gonna be really upset. Good graphics, good music, weak main villain, but... Well. Just go see it. And DON'T compare it to Lord of the Rings. That's not fair. Lord of the Rings is amazing and nothing can compare to it.

After the movie Laura and I went to Perkins where we commenced to talking for... oh... I don't know.. Probably almost four hours. It was a good time. I was finally able to give her the project I intended as a "going away to college" gift.... Well, it didn't get done.... And then her birthday went by... and Christmas... but FINALLY it got done. And she loved it. :-D It was a wooden chest that I had glued all sorts of quotes and lyrics and covered the whole thing. It's actually pretty cool. :-) It was a really good time... Over dinner we both ranted and raved and talked and mulled and discussed... It was nice. :-)

Now I'm sitting here, wearing my mom's sweater because I'm cold, and eating Gobstoppers and Conversation Hearts... Two of my favorite candies! :-) And talking online... I think I'll go to bed relatively early tonight... Hopefully this sneezy-cold will get better.

Quirks...

This is a random list of my personality quirks and preferences... No one is obligated to read it... It's more for me to organize my thoughts and to square with some of the things I struggle with...

I like to draw, but I don't have time and I can tell that the skill I worked hard to develop in high school has diminished.

I have a weird and sometimes morbid sense of humor. It's usually not very hard to make me laugh.

I'm ticklish. Sometimes this is an understatement.

I don't like how stupid/trivial things make me mad sometimes.

I like to make up stories, although the stories I have rarely end up on paper.

Sometimes I wonder about weird things… Like, in stories why does the younger brother of the king ALWAYS have to be bad? And do penguins taste good? (Can you even eat penguins?)

I love music to a ridiculous extent. It's something I can't convey with an adequate measurement. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't a music major… I love performing music and listening to music and talking about music with my friends…

…But WHY is making time to practice so hard for me? Why do I let myself put if off so often? Why does the innate need to practice kick in when finals are two weeks away and not at the beginning of the semester?

I'm very lazy, very often and that makes things hard sometimes. It's easy to let procrastination run my life.

I often succeed at making my life 10 times more difficult then it needs to be. Why is that?

I also seem to have a keen ability to create awkward situations for myself.

Sometimes I think positive attention is my heroin and jealousy is my worst withdrawal symptom.

I think Katherine Hepburn's role in Desk Set would be my ideal character to play on stage.

I'm not used to having people around me who actively try to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day.

I enjoy intellectual humor. As well as British humor, and humor that involves "geeky" stuff, like Lord of the Rings and STAR WARS.

I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

I hate being by myself, but that doesn't mean I'm afraid to do things on my own.

I'm not used to having friends who are there for me and want to help me get through my problems.

It still feels new and unusual to me have friends who want to do things with me, who will wait for me when I have stuff going on, and who want to visit me when I'm away.

I'm actually incredibly nosy and curious, but I think I've just gotten a little better at judging when I should ask "What's going on?" when overhearing other conversations and when to let things slide, even though I desperately want to know.

My life would be so much easier if I didn't get so COLD all the time.

Most of the time I just feel smart enough to get by.

Sometimes jokes and sarcasm are my way of hiding my insecurities.

It takes a lot for me to actually show when I am mad/upset. It takes even more for me to actually cry in front of other people. Movies don't count.

Sometimes I wish I knew if a guy was trying to win my affections or just simply wanting to get to know me better.

I am very impatient.

Sometimes scrolling through Facebook makes me a little depressed.

At school I see couples of all sorts and wonder when it'll be my turn.

I am a dog person, but I do enjoy cats as well.

I'm a sucker for a guy who can sing.

My favorite color is green.

I am a city girl who loves horses and wants to learn how to ride them one day.

I am scared of heights, but not flying.

I tend to overanalyze things… Although I work hard trying to keep it from getting out of control.

9 times out of 10 I will choose an action-adventure movie over a chick-flick.

Sometimes I don't know what to think, and that bothers me.

Sometimes I forget how lucky I really am.

Sometimes I like to people-watch.

I'm very bossy and independent… Sometimes this makes it hard for me to ask for help.

I've realized that it's kind of silly to say "When I grow up, I want to be—" now that I'm twenty years old…

I get mad sometimes when people can't deal with their own problems. Ever.

I like to try and understand the motivations of others.

Sometimes it seems that my life is just as messed up as anyone else's… But I think I'm just better at hiding it.

Sometimes people in general just make me mad at the world.

I don't like being blunt.

I struggle with feelings of inadequacy.

I hate how hormones make me moody.

I'm oddly opinionated.

My life is tough and it's often hard for me to plough through alone.

I really have no clue what I'm doing. But I've gotten better at bluffing.

I get really frustrated when people tell me I'm better off being single.

I hate being excluded/left out.

I have a temper… It just takes a lot to get it going.

I don't like seeing my friends sad or unhappy.

Sometimes I talk too much.

Why does it seem like I am the one who thinks of and remembers the little things that turn out to be important?

I wish I had the courage to ask people from my past WHAT they were thinking and WHY did they do that to me.

Sometimes I get tired of being confused with my younger sister.

Sometimes I really hate not having a car.

Fiction books are my escape.

I hate student loans.

I can be bitingly sarcastic.

I am naïve.

I don't think I show it very often, but sometimes I have problems dealing with people who also have dominant personalities like mine.

Sometimes I feel socially inept.

I often feel scared that I won't be loved or accepted.

I wish I had been to more high school dances… more then just one at least…

Sometimes it's hard for me to deal with my friends getting really cool, awesome expensive gifts when I know that there's no way on earth my family could afford to give me anything like that.

I don't like not being the best at everything.

I would love to learn how to fence.

My experiences in high school have conditioned me to often wonder why on earth would people want to hang out with me.

I am very independent… And yet I struggle with being single. How does that work?

I miss being in jazz band.

It's hard for me to judge how much I've grown/matured, although I do acknowledge that I've changed.

I have a "bird-dog" personality.

I wish I knew how to swing dance. And just dance in general.

I have control issues… I've lost count how of many times I've had to remind myself that God needs to be in charge of my life, not me.

Happy Christmas!!!

I hope everyone has had a good day, filled with love and family and all that corny, warm-fuzzy stuff! :-)

I must say, I am happy with this Christmas! (Although I must admit that going to bed at 3:30 am and then being woken up at 7:30 not the best way to start any day, but hey I survived.) Opening presents was fun... I love watching Stephen's expressions... :-) Poor Daniel though... He hasn't felt well all day, so that's not very fun... To be sick on Christmas... After presants my siblings and I watched the Disney Christmas Parade... Which was pretty awesome... I'd love to go to one of the Disney parks someday... (Maybe when I'm a band director I can make it a band trip...)

Then I took a nap...

I got up around 2 pm and set up my Pirates of the Caribbean Battleship game... But I didn't play it.

Then I read Eragon pretty much all day. I have about 100 pages left! w00t! I'll admit it... It's a pretty cool book!

The big family dinner was good! Yummy ham and mashed potatoes... All that awesome stuff!:-)

One of the presents I got today was this:

It sings "A Pirate's Life for Me" it moves AND it glows in the dark... I LOVE IT! :-D

Well, that's all for now... I don't want to brag or gloat too much about my other stuff... So I hope you all have a great and blessed day! :-)

Happy Christmas Eve!

First of all check out this blog:

A Cavalcade of Bad Nativities

I promise much laughter and happiness... Make sure you read the titles of the posts as well as the awesome commentary... And don't forget to go through all three pages. :-)

Okay, I don't really feel like I have a lot to say, so consider this a warning that this post will be rather random.

Well, tomorrow is Christmas! :-) This makes me very happy, although there is still no snow outside. I must state that the sunshine we had today was MUCH better then then rain that we've been getting the rest of the week...

...I think it would be incredibly amazing if we woke up tomorrow to find at least a foot of snow on the ground.. :-) I doubt that would happen but it sounds like we miiiight get a dusting.

Mmmmm... I've been listening to the soundtracks of A Christmas Carol: The Musical, Muppet Christmas Carol and The Polar Express pretty much non-stop the past few days. :-) Music = Love!

My brother is watching Smallville. Why is Lex Luther perpetually bald? Did he EVER have hair?

Tonight I went through our easy note piano book of Christmas carols and played all the ones that I knew... (I skipped all the weird pop ones...) It was way happy! :-)

Tonight for dinner Dad made cheesey broccoli soup and clam chowder, as per my family's tradition. I don't like clam chowder, but the broccoli soup was deeeelicious!

Tonight, instead of sleeping in my dungeon, under the watchful eye of Clifford I will be sleeping up in the extra bunk in Philomena's room... I figured it would be easier to get up at 7am with everyone else and go down and see the presents all together...

...And before anyone says anything, yes, I think I've been pretty good this year. :-)

Well, I told you this was random... And I'm hungry, so I'm gonna go and get something to eat.

Happy Christmas!

"Punk music is a joke... It's really just Baroque"

Okay, many thanks to Amanda N. for posting this in her livejournal... I'm posting it here because it's hilarious.... I am addicted to it. Seriously. I've lost count how many times I've listened to it. I also posted it on Facebook and on my Myspace.

This video... I can't get over it... The first time I watched it... even through the 3rd time... I was shaking with silent laughter and crying... This 5 minute 12 second movie is the epitome of the hilarity that is my music geekiness....

I MISS MY MUSIC MAJOR FRIENDS!

I'm seriously reveling in the sheer hilarity of this video. There's no other way to describe it!

Oh! And many thanks to Rachel D. for notifying me of the title for the 7th Harry Potter book! (I know *gasp* I found out from someone else... Well, I was out for the day, so there.) It's Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Not AS exciting (in my opinion) to me as The Order of the Pheonix or The Half Blood Prince, but I'm not JK Rowling... I am willing, however, to put money on the fact that the release date of the 7th book will be July 7, 2007.... 7/7/07... You know... 7th book, Harry's 17th birthday and 7th year at Hogwarts... etc...

Rainy Wednesday...

It has been raining all day. I think that is completely stupid, and depressing. I want snow! 5 days till Christmas and all we have to show for it is mud and dead grass. Does this mean we're going to have snow from, like, February to May? That really wouldn't make me very happy either...

Tonight for dinner we had goose and pheasant. It was good! I haven't had pheasant since before 1999.

Hmmm... The movie Flicka has made me miss having long hair... I kind of want to start growing mine out again... But it takes so long! And there's always that stage in the middle, where it's just below my shoulders and it's all bushy and hard to manage... And starting growing it out now means that it's gonna be getting long as the summer comes along....

And I'm still coughing a little... That's not really cool.

I'm not tired of my family yet, which is good, although home life is a little boring... I need to start on the Christmas presents for my family, and go to Jo-Ann Fabrics to get fleece.

I am halfway through Eragon! I really like that book! I think the 1st time I tried to read it I was still going strong on my Harry Potter kick and so I found it boring in comparison. Reading it now, I find it a very good epic story.

Sometimes I read other people's blogs and I wish I could write like they do... With poems and lyrics and little stories that would only make sense to me. Maybe it would make me seem deep and intellectual. But my brain doesn't think and organize that way. I don't think I'm shallow, but my life, thoughts and opinions often seem ordinary and mundane.

I guess we're going to finish the rest of my brother, Matthew's birthday... Even though it was back in October...

Then I think I'm going to start writing again. I miss it, and even though I don't have a solid plot, I'm just going to write and write and deal with the jumble of words later. Maybe I can have an adventure by living vicariously through the characters I write about....

Smiles...

Okay, so I admit that it's pretty much ridiculous that I'm so cold that I am now sitting here, with socks, slippers, long sleeved shirt, blanket, a hot cup of tea, plus my winter coat, since my sweatshirt is in the dryer... I'd be wearing gloves too, but then I can't use the touchpad on my laptop. It's 30 degrees outside and 65 in here.

Like I said... Ridiculous... Even more so in the fact that I want snow ooooh so very much!

Today Jessica came home from Drake and there was much rejoicing! She stopped by briefly on her way to her dentist and then we hung out for the rest of the day afterwards! It was really awesome and I've missed her to no end! I helped her unpack and then we redecorated this doll-house-thing she has in her room, getting it all ready for Christmas! Then we took about 15 pictures of the two of us doing weird and silly things... Yeah... Those will probably end up on Facebook soon... Then we met up with Julia at the theatre in town and saw the movie "Flicka". Soooooo good.... A definate "girly" movie... It's a different kind of chick-flick, so I was okay with it. No romance in the main character. Lots of awesome horses though. Excellent! :-) I must admit, Jessica, Julia and I were all crying at the end... Heh... Yeah, it was a girly movie.

Then I went back with Jessica to her house, intending to catch the 2nd half of the Doctor Who episode I watched while I was dogsitting, but alas, I thought it was on at 10 pm, however, in reality it was on at 9.... Oh well.

And now I'm here. In my winter coat. And I just saved tons and tons of icons off of livejoural. It's kind of addiciting...

It's nice that life seems okay sometimes.

Something inspiring...

"What is the worth of anything we do?"

"The worth is in the act. Your worth halts when you surrender the will to change and experience life. But options are before you; chose one and dedicate yourself to it. The deeds will give you new hope and purpose."

"But what can I do?"

"The only true guide is your heart. Nothing less than its supreme desire can help you."

-Eragon, by Christopher Paolini p. 92

20 things

A couple of my friends have done this, and I guess I felt like jumping on the bandwagon... This is in no particular order:

1. There are times when you REALLY frustrate me, but those are usually few and far between. I think you're fun and smart, and you make me think. It makes me sad when I see that you are struggling.

2. I'm glad we're friends, but sometimes you're a bit hypocrytical and that irks me, although I doubt I'll really confront you about it. Some of the moments we've shared make me warm and happy inside, and I thank-you for that.

3. Every conversation I've had with you, whether in person, or over AOL or even Facebooking back and forth makes me really happy, (and a little sad I'm at Wartburg.) I'm glad I've met you. :-) I think you're fun, and I like making you laugh!

4. You have achieved what I pined for in high school. Don't worry, I'm not jealous---I never was. It's just a matter of me waiting for my turn someday. And the fact that you are so inclusive makes me joyous. You're a good friend, and I miss you.

5. I miss the little quirks we developed together last year! I need to hang out with you more! I like talking about girly-ish things with you!

6. I wish you weren't so moody... But you're fun to be around, and I like being geeky with you.

7. You are quirky and eccentric and I love you for it! Thanks for keeping after me, to make sure I'm doing okay... And I feel honored that you feel okay coming to me for help! I'm sorry we didn't get to hang out a lot during this semester... I feel like I kind of ditched you... I'm sorry... I'll try and do better!

8. I honestly think you have one of the most infectious laughs I've ever heard. It's nice to have someone who enjoys getting up, going out and doing something. You slowly seem to be telling me more and more about your life outside of school... You also have some qualities that I admire. Thanks for being there.

9. I don't know what I would do without you... I don't even know where to begin... Despite the fact that you don't go to Wartburg, and we don't see each other hardly enough, and we're both insanely busy at school, I'm glad that we still have remained close. Mucho Piratey Love!

10. Sometimes you do things that I see as a little reckless, but you're fun to be around. Thanks for listening to me when when I need to let off steam, checking up on me to make sure I'm okay and offering your support. I appreciate that a lot!

11. I don't get enough time with you. I hope you come visit me at school!!!. I think we should compare mental characters sometime.

12. You are a good friend and I appreciate the talks we've had. Thanks for listening!

13. You are sometimes very unaware of the subtle things that go on around you, but that's okay. You make me smile a lot and I love laughing and being weird with you! You put up with a lot, and I thank-you for that.

14. You're pretty clueless too, but that's what makes you so funny sometimes.

15. I miss you! Why did you transfer? I mean I know WHY you trasferred, but still... I miss eating dinner with you and talking about random stuff... Like celery and Camp and Gender.

16. If you really think about it, it's kind of weird how we started doing stuff together... I mean not that I'm complaining! We definately have had some adventures, resulting in very quotable phrases... Good times, good times....

17. I don't see you enough! I miss your intelligent wit! I agree with what you had said... We need to geek out to a movie.

18. Part of me wishes something had happened between us, but I suppose it's better that nothing did. I feel like kind of an idiot for getting my hopes up.

19. Sometimes you talk to me online and then go away. This annoys me to no end. Either say you're leaving, or wait to start a conversation with me when you can devote more time to the computer.

20. I miss you, and you're way super far away. I hope everything is going alright! It makes me sad that you are busy and can't be online, but I do understand.

Christmas Dorm 2006!

Okay, so now that I have my own digital camera... I decided to make use of it and take pictures of our awesome Christmas dorm! 120 feet of lights, 72 feet of garland, about 90 different ornaments... :-D

^This is what our dorm looks like when you first walk in. My bed is on the left, and Leah's is on the right.

^This is my roommate's bed... If you can't tell, lime green is her favorite color! Please notice the Wall of Orlando Bloom... I took this picture standing in my closet...

^This the decoration we had around our window... Yay window clings!

^This is my loft... I cleaned it!

^Sarah's desk 2006-07...

^My shelf of knick-knacks.... I brought a lot LESS then last year...

^This is the view from my desk chair.

^This is our awesome $10 fiber-optic christmas tree!

^...We really didn't have a good place to put it, so we put it on top of out 13" TV and covered it with a blanket.... Ted and Jesse said it was a shrine and they pretended to scold us for being pegan.

^Woooooohooo! Gaze at those awesome fiber-optics!

^This is a close-up picture of the white thing that is sitting in the tree.... Not it's not a ghost, no it's not the demenor from last year, it's actually an angel! Someone in choir made it for Leah, and she added it our tree.

^Haha, this is the airfreshener that I bought for our room... Not because our room smelled bad,(although according to Ted or room smells like "girl" ---whatever that means...) But because it alternated between making the room smell like holly and apple cinamon... It's amazing! :-D

^This is our closet... With my awesome Have a Day and Pirates of the Caribbean posters on it...

^This is Moses. He is our door stop and here you can see him hard at work... And he's all dressed up for the Christmas season! Moses started out as a big rock I took from the Boy Scout Camp in Janesville, when we were there for band bonding, back in September. Leah and I decided we wanted a pet, so we bought craft fur and giant googly eyes... :-) The hat came with the treeskirt, but we already had a tree-topper, so we decked Moses out instead!

^Yay for Murphy's Laws!

^This is Leah's fishtank... There are fish in there, I promise... You just can't see them... We have... Some Lemon Tetras, 3 female Betas and some Glow-light Tetras. We did have a snail, named Gary, but he died... Then Leah got a suckerfish... but that died before we could even name it..
.

^This is the male Beta Leah has... He's almost 2 years old...


Well! That's were I live! Leah and I are able to make it work quite well!

The Rest of Dr. Black's sarcastic wit...

Okay, so now that finals are over, and I have finshed my History of Science class, here are the rest of the quotes said by Dr. Black that I was able to write down. The first half of quotes can be found HERE.

Dr. Black: People thought the moon was made of cheese AFTER Galileo.
Student: They had cheese?
Dr. B.: YES! They had cheese! Cheese had already been invented--no I won't put it in the lecture... It was invented some time----I don't want to talk about it anymore!. -Dr. Black discussing Galileo's observations about the moon.

"Believe it or not, Galileo didn't have flashlights." -Dr. B discussing trying to measure light.

"There is going to be a town here---and we're going to call it---Steve." -Dr. B. talking about the Rail Roads in America.

"There was a tulip mania---the Dutch love tulips---it was like 'tulip-a-looza'!"-Dr. B. talking about enchange rates.

"This is what I call the 'Bigger Idiot Theory'- you buy something and then go find a bigger idiot to pay you more for it." -Dr. B. on inflation.

"Your mind is kind of like---a little guy---driving your body around." -Dr. B. discussing the different views on how the brain and body relate and interact with eachother.

"It looks like Packman throwwing up!" -Rachel V. after Dr. Black drew a picture of a spermatzoa on the chalk board. We were gonna talk about "the origin of species".

"Mary switched everyone back to Catholosism---she had 1000 people burned for being Prodistant. That's why they called her 'Bloody Mary'. She didn't last very long. Her sister, Elizabeth switched everything BACK to Prodestantism. This confused people." -Dr. B on British History.

"[Isaac Newton] died penniless and insane--- actually he was rich, but he was insane. He was foaming at the mouth and biting people." -Dr. B. summing up Newton's life.

"When people call me Danny I like to point out that the last person to call me that was my Grandmother and she's dead." -Dr. (Daniel) B. before class banter.

"Remember Judas Iscariot? Well, things didn't turn out so well for him..." -Dr. B. discussing religious implications.

"Okay, what I think Dewy was talking about was...... Poptarts.... Mmmm... They're the food of the gods..." -Dr. B. eating a poptart before class as we got ready to talk about the Dewy Decimal System.

"The nice things about wood is that it litterally grows on trees." -Dr. B. and the use of energy.

"I want to marry him!!! I want to marry him and have little Scottish babies!!! With diapers made from tartans! That would be soooo cute!!!" -Rachel V. discussing the hottness that is David Tennant!

"If you're not good, you're not gonna get cake. I know you're not gonna get cake, but still. If you're not good, you're not gonna get cake." -Dr. B. before class banter.

"What--you mock me? I will not be mocked! ...But if you keep it up I guess there's nothing I can do about it..." Dr. B. before class banter.

"Words have gender. People have sex." -Dr. B. talking about pronouns during a discussion about the origins of man.

"All living things die? ...So all we have to do is look for dead things and ask them what they were?" -Dr. B. asking us what defines life and species.

"I'll take 'Obscure Greek Philosophers for 200,' please Alex." -Dr. B. talking about Aristotle.

"Ah-ha! They MULTIPLY! Well, except for those that divide... Like single celled organisms." -Dr. B. discussing what defines life.

"Wow... It's like life according to Bugs Bunny." -Dr. B. during class banter.

"All mules are sterile. There are no mommy mules." -Dr. Black discussing animal reproduction within species.

"How do we find out if we're members of the same species? Right, we produce fertile offspring... I guess we'll have a lab." -Dr. B. on reproduction. (He was joking, just FYI... We did not have a lab exploring this particular topic.)

"Have you ever played the electronic game "20 Questions"? It's so crazy! It's asks you all these obscure questions and then it goes booooop and gets the answer... Yet another example of how I can spend $10 and buy something smarter then me." -Dr. B. before class banter.

"People believed Malthus---it looked scientific... He had formulas and graphs and everything!" -Dr. B. discussing Malthus's Population Theory.

"It's like drugs for girls! ...I mean, drugs are for all people, but cookie dough is like drugs for girls!" -Rachel V. talking about sharing a cookie dough log.

"Back in the 90's the internet was occupied by real nerds--because they were the only ones who knew that it exsisted." -Dr. B. and the progression of current technology.

"Did you know that there was an organization on the internet for the preservation of gravity? 'We're running out of gravity! You pick up a weight and you use up gravity--soon we'll all float away! Did you know that the Apollo moon launch used up more gravity then the entire 14th century?" -Dr. B. making fun of the gravity organization.

"As promised, I'll now do the entire 20th Century in five minutes." -Dr. B. running out of class time.

"Research has proven that research works." -Dr. B. during class banter.

Finals Day 1

This is one of those days where I get through it by taking it one hour at a time.

"Hands are shaking cold, these hands are meant to hold..."

I know I'm not, but I feel unloved. I think it's called being lonely.




...And single




Dear God,

When will I get to have a turn at being in love? Why am I so impatient? Why is being single so hard for me?

In my opinion I think this chapter of my life is pretty boring. I want to read ahead and make sure there's something written that might lead to a happy ending....

...But I can't do that... So yet again I get to humble myself and let you drive the rusty Radio-flyer Wagon of my life. Maybe you can get it through the gravel and mud I'm plowwing through right now.

Love,

Me

I have survived!

A glass of orange juice, Flintstone vitamins, 3 hugs and good friends evidentually do wonders for a cold. A big thanks to Ted, Duane and Nathan. :-)

I am ready to study... After I wake up, that is.

I'll take Hell Week for $1000, please Alex

This cough is getting worse... I've lost count of how many people have asked me if I'm feeling okay, if I'm getting better, said they hoped I would get better soon or commented on how pale I look. This cold sucks.

I was up til 2 am last night. Working on my music theory composition until security kicked us out of the FAC at 1:30. I didn't sleep very well since I was coughing all night. My alarm went off at 6:45 am and I got out of bed a half hour later. I went to the FAC printed my composition and analyzed the chords in class until it was my turn to perform it. I like my piece... But I know I'm going to get points taken away since I was unable to work a Neopolitan Six chord in the piece. I ran out of time. I got the modulation to and back and mode mixutre... But not the N6... *sigh*

I e-mailed the professor of my 10:45 class and apologized for my absence and I took a nap. I feel functional now.

I survived my piano lesson.

This is my Finals Schedule:

Monday December 11:

8:30-10:30 am—History of Science Final

10:26 am—Piano Basic Skills Proficiency Test

12:07 pm— Flute Jury

1:30-3:30 am—Music Theory III Final


Tuesday December 12:

11:30 am-1:30 pm—Lifespan Human Development

6:30-8:30 pm— IS 201 American Sign Language


I am done with all my finals Tuesday night. I plan on staying on campus until Friday... Mainly just to enjoy being a bum and to take advantage of my bored plan. Plus, no one at home will be back from break either and everyone here is staying through Friday.

Ted's mom sent him Superman Returns in the mail and Jesse found someone on their floor who has the Indiana Jones movies. I shall probably watch those next week too.

I want to go to the $1 Movie Knight.... I want to see Deja Vu or Casino Royale... But the movies aren't until 11:30 at night. I need to sleep.... I'm sick.... But I want to go...... And I know I posed the idea on Sunday when we went to Perkins... But now I know I shouldn't go... Gah! It's times like this that I hate being in charge of myself! It's so much easier to get mad at a parent when they tell you no. :-( I've gotten really good at trying to justify things that I want to do, versus things that I need to do.... Sleep. No movie knight. Sleep. And I can't let myself try and justify going. I have a million more things to do! (Don't let me go! I can't! Don't let me try and talk myself into it!)

I don't want to grow up anymore.


In other news: Pirates of the Caribbean III: At Worlds End comes out in theatres May 25th 2007. This makes me very very very happy. I just can't express it very well since I'm sick. A big thank-you to Rachel D. for informing me of this! *hugs*

Breakdown-ish-type things

So this morning at 2 am I had, what I'd like to call an "Epiphany of DOOM".

Woodwind Juries are only on Monday. I still have a cold, and this cough is getting worse. I. Am. Not. Ready.

I have a composition due tomorrow in Music Theory. I have piano seminar tonight. I need to go to a butt-load of recitals for credit....

I have FINALS next week!!!!

WHY did I take a nap yesterday????? I DON'T HAVE TIME! WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

I hate realizing that I can't have fun anymore. If you need me, I will be living in the FAC or the Library the rest of the week.

My life is not my own....

I think my brain is imploding. I just want to curl up and make this all go away.

"Little did she know..."

I need a place where I can go,
Where I can whisper what I know,
Where I can whisper who I like
And where I go to see them.

I need a place where I can hide,
Where no one sees my life inside,
Where I can make my plans, and write them down
So I can read them.

A place where I can bid my heart be still
And it will mind me.
A place where I can go when I am lost,
And there I'll find me.

I need a place to spend the day,
Where no one says to go or stay,
Where I can take my pen and draw
The girl I mean to be.

~The Girl I Mean to Be, from The Secret Garden

I was listening to this soundtrack and this song came up... And even though I've always liked it, I was impressed how closely the lyrics fit me right now....

I got to talk to my mom today, which was good. We talked about my college life--what I struggle with and why certain things are difficult for me. I haven't had a good talk with her for a while, so it was much needed.

Oh, yeah... And I have a cold.... It started out as a really bad sore throat on Tuesday, and didn't really start to go away until Thursday. I went to the doctor on Wednesday so now I'm on antibiotics, but if this cold is viral, there's nothing they can do. Now, the sore throat is gone but it's replaced with bad congestion and a cough.... It gets worse at night and I wake up feeling like I inhaled a couple bricks because my chest feels so heavy with gunk. The doctor said I should be careful so that the sore throat doesn't become strep, but now I think I should worry about bronchitis.

I finally practiced my flute today. The last time I had practiced was Monday... BAD!!! I really don't like this cold.... On Tuesday playing in band was so difficult... I faked a lot, but by the end, according to others around me I was really pale... I felt a little tired, but I didn't pass out or anything.

I need to write out my finals schedule so I can sign up for my music juires.... Not cool, not cool....

Anyways... Back to the song... I feel like I should just warn you that this will probably be contradictory....

I'm really strugging with aspects of my personality that conflict with that of other peoples... And trying to deal with my inner competition for attention. I don't like not being in control, and I don't like being told what to do. I have a dominant personality... I know I do.... Last year I became really passive aggressive, but that seems to be fading out this year as I still struggle inwardly with not getting my way all the time... Not to mention trying to mentally check myself so that I'm not bossy to the extreme...

I've also come to realize that I am very independant... I'm not afriad to do things by myself or on my own. That doesn't mean I prefer to do things on my own, but I can. But then, on the otherhand, I have this need for human interaction and contact. I think part of it has derived from the group of people I've come to hang out with--we all have become pretty comfortable with each other so personal space has been greatly reduced. Even if it's just all of us just sitting cross-legged on the futon, knee to knee, I enjoy the closeness, and I miss it when I'm not there. The poking/tickling/wrestling--it's like having a bunch of older brothers... Not to mention the hugs... Those are nice too. :-)

But then I am also very stubborn. Which can be both good... and bad. I usually don't have a problem sticking up for myself, but then if it's something I just don't want to do, I can be a rather pig-headed.

I've also been thinking about my show of emotion... (I'm talking about normal show of emotion... Not PMS-induced show of emotion.) I mean.... I think I'm pretty even-tempered... Yes there are things that bother me, yes things make me mad, but it takes an awful LOT of things to give me reason to stay mad/upset. And I vent a lot when I blog... That helps a lot too... And, well, I don't like being sad/depressed/upset/mad... Yes, I know, who does, but, to quote a favorite movie "I dearly love to laugh."

...But then there's the part of me that gets bottled up---some of it gets poured into this impartial space... But still.... One of the reasons I miss Jessica is that I feel completely at ease with talking with her, and our silences aren't awkward. We go on walks and drives and just vent to each other. And I feel comfortable telling her when I've had a completely crummy day... So, I guess in the end it's my own fault for being shy and insecure and not asking someone if they would go on a walk with me when I'm having a rough time....

Then there's feeling like I have to compete for attention is another aspect of my character that bothers me... Part of it derives from my dominant personality, and the other from being the oldest of 6 children. I suppose being homeschooled plays a factor too, since I haven't felt the need to compete for attention at this level before. (And attention is addicting I would like to add.) I'm still trying to square with being single, but part of me inside doesn't want to get pushed to the back burner when prettier, smarter, more agressive girls are around. I'm trying really hard not to be nasty/sarcastic. I really am.

"Who would want a dreamer?"

-It all boils down to that really. That 5 word line. Sure I talk about semi-normal things and stuff... But there's always an internal dialogue going on in my head. Sometimes it's comments to add to the conversation at the time, maybe it's something funny (or clever if I'm lucky) or a story to pass the time. But sometimes I worry that I get myself so caught up in what I want, what I think I'm looking for, that I might be missing something important. *sigh* I don't know.

Alas! This is life...

I'm really not sad or depressed or upset right now... Just introspective... And trying to figure out myself.

I need to make an adventure cloak... Maybe that will help with the lack of super-pillow-fort building....

I don't know what chapter I'm on in my life right now other then it's something like: (told in 3rd person omniscient, read by the voice of Emma Thompson)

"As the first semester of her second year at Wartburg College began to draw to a close, Sarah started to wonder which was more likely to happen--recovering from her cold and passing her music jury, or winning the lottery.

"Don't be silly. She thought to herself. You could still pass. Just start praying. Really hard. And don't put off your practicing anymore---but perhaps you should buy a lottery ticket just in case..."

[Little did she know...]

I wish my life were a romantic comedy.