I am taking a break from studying because I need a place to vent.
Why hello blog. It's been a while.
Currently, I am in the midst of taking 4 online classes from Drake to earn my Talented and Gifted endorsement. Tripoli has offered me a full-time position if I get this endorsement and begin teaching elementary TAG. These 4 classes amount to 7 credit hours and take up 80% of my time. (The rest --- 5% is sleeping, 5% is other activities like eating, running or seeing Dan. 10% is working - waitressing and my retail job.) I need 1 more credit to move over on the pay ladder and 12 credits total to achieve the full endorsement.
I'm frustrated for several reasons.
1. This isn't the summer I wanted. I am studying all day. I'm only a part-time student and I feel I had more free time when I was at Wartburg being a FULL-TIME student. I don't really understand why that is.
2. I am also studying for an endorsement that I do not plan to teach for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I like what I'm studying! It's very interesting, and I'm excited to see what I can do with teaching TAG, but I also just need a full-time job. I'm tired of working two jobs so I can afford my bills. Barely.
3. I'm starting my 3rd year of teaching and I'm still not teaching in a classroom setting that I want. I want to teach band. 5-8, 5-12, 9-12 it doesn't matter. I feel like that dream is getting farther and farther away the more I teach elementary music. Granted, I am putting limits on myself in terms of location. I don't think it would be practical to apply for a band job too far away from Waterloo/Iowa City. Moving is expensive (and a pain) and I don't want a band job that I'm going to have for a year, get married, and then have to leave. All that doesn't mean I'm any less frustrated with my situation. I want to teach band, why is that so hard????
Also, money. Or lack thereof.
Right now I pay about $700 a month in student loans. That is minimum payments only and not counting any other bills. Just student loans. If I did not have those 2 other jobs I would be sunk. I don't have a savings account, I have nothing to "fall back on" if I encounter a sudden emergency expense. (Fact: I'm still paying off Watson's $700 vet bill from last September when his urinary tract became blocked. Even animal ER care is expensive.)
Real life sucks.
In short:
I'm in a teaching job where I do what I like 90% of the time and what I love 10%. (Big difference, although I always work to give 110%. My students and school district deserve nothing less.)
I have very little funds to do anything "extra." In fact, I just put a hold my Netflix account. I haven't had time to even use it this summer. I might just delete it.
My student loan debt is so overwhelming. Dan assures me that when he gets an actuary job we'll be able to pay off my loans without a problem. But that's like, 2 years from now. Maybe more. Also, what if he finds something else that he loves instead? I want him in a job that makes him happy, regardless of the paycheck. It's hard for me to put my debt worries aside while he is still in school and not sure what his future job will be.
What prompted all of this is an article I was reading about student loan debt. (Warning: Depressing)
One girl, who is $140,000 in debt wrote:
Like many, I had no idea what money meant when I was 17. My family is not wealthy. I simply didn't have the information or knowledge to know what it would be like now.
Granted, this is less than what I owe, and she racked up a lot of loans due to Hurricane Katrina, but her sentiment about not having a sense of money is absolutely true. My experiences at Wartburg have made me who I am and given me some very awesome friends. I certainly don't regret that. I wouldn't trade those things in for anything. But I do wish I had looked into finances a little more when I was applying for colleges. Or started a savings account specifically for college when I was in high school. Something.
My freshman year of college at Wartburg, tuition + room/board was $27,315.
My senior year it was $34,315.
This coming year (2011-2012) it will be $39,110.
That's crazy. And I will say that yes, I did have an academic scholarship and a music scholarship, but neither amounted to a full ride. My freshman year the difference between Wartburg and ISU was $4000. (Between Wartburg's scholarship $$$ and ISU's $0,) But tuition goes up. Scholarships do not.
This quote is from a guy who is $80,000 in debt. A figure closer to mine.
I take full responsibility for my decisions, and believe me, I'd like nothing more than to "grow up" and pay my debts, but the truth is -- I feel like I spent my loans on a future that I simply did not receive.I absolutely feel this way. I understand I must repay my loans. I take responsibility for my actions and choice of education. But I also feel that I am repaying money for a future that I have not received.
This is my blog and I can be egocentric.
I feel cheated.
Do you hear that America, Iowa, Wartburg, the economy, and the various banks that hold my student loans?
I. Feel. Cheated.
I also feel that I am being set up for failure. Between the amount of debt I am trying to pay off, budget cuts, job layoffs, and me. How the heck am I supposed to succeed? How am I supposed to pay off my car? Afford an ice cream cone now and then? GET MARRIED?
How can I make it through when I run a deficit every month? A deficit that is made up of necessary bills, not pleasurable spending. How can I go out and do positive things for society, donate to charities and volunteer when all my time is taken up with studying so I can have a full-time job SO I CAN AFFORD TO LIVE and in the mean time, working 2 other jobs (3 total, but hey, it's summer) to make ends meet?
Really, when you look at it: a teacher's salary vs. the cost of earning an education degree is ridiculous. It is totally absurd!
America. You are asking me to sacrifice too much.
Stop the bus. This is not the future I wanted.
