I'm exciiiiiited!!!!

Isaac and Laura are getting married today!!!!! :-D :-D :-D

Approx. 16 total applications, 5 rejection letters, 4 interviews, 2 "we've chosen someone else" phone calls, 4 status currently "unknown."

And 0 new jobs posted in the last week and a half. At least.



I just want a job. A band job, teaching children.

Is that too much to ask???

I've been waiting.

And waiting and waiting...

And putting on a brave face.

But it's hard.


Especially when you see other people your age getting jobs upon graduation. I should have gotten my lazy butt in gear and put in an application too.


I also had to field my first "so, you graduated from college, do you have a boyfriend?" question. After of course, I had been asked if I had a job yet. When I replied that while, I did have a boyfriend, we just broke up after six months, I was jokingly pronounced "too much to handle."

I know this comment wasn't meant with any ill intent. But it's not really what I want to hear right now.

A metaphor...

I have a small fortune in wonderful words that no longer hold any value in the economic state of my life. Like wooden nickels or German marks... The circumstances that gave them value and worth no longer exist...


... I suppose every break-up goes through this... I'm not any different...


But it still hurts.

Lunch counter mornings and coffee shop nights...

Who am I fooling????

I used to be so genuinely happy.




I'm having problems adjusting to aspects of this new mediocrity of living.

Makin' my way downtown,
Walkin' fast,
Faces pass and I'm homebound.

Starin' blankly ahead,
Just makin' my way,
Makin' a way through the crowd.

And fiction has once again become better than real life.

All I see is,
All I want is tearing from inside...

Mom was right. It hurts. But is was too deep for me to feel until more time had passed... Like a bruise sustained by deep tissue... The mark doesn't show up right away....

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright...

I understand why. I agree why... But it's hard...

"...You need to think of a memory. Not just any memory, a very happy memory, a very powerful memory… Allow it to fill you up…lose yourself in it…" -Remus Lupin, Prisoner of Azkaban.

Thinking back almost 7 months ago.... It hurts.... I. was. so. blissfully. happy....

...I just want to let go and move on. I don't want to be bitter. Or angry. But I worked so hard! It's hard for my nature to just stop and give up on something that I cared and prayed about for so long.

But it's fine, it's fine, it's fine
I mean, I'm happy
And I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
It's not a problem,
It's just a challenge...

It's not denial. It's just me wanting my way. Because I'm headstrong like that.

Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love..

It's hard to get back to thinking someday, someday, someday, this and this and this will happen and it will all work out and be wonderful. I just need to work on letting myself trust in God's will and in God's time.

...Because alone is alone, not alive...
___

"No boy is worth crying over, and the one who is will never make you cry."

To quote Isaac:

"The idea that there is someone important in your life, especially one you care about, who will "never make you cry" is absurd. Relationships are about getting your feelings hurt. It's about people failing your expectations. It's about you finding out when to get tougher skin and when to adapt your expectations."

It's true. And I have stupidly held onto that quote for ages and ages and ages... No more.

"...Sometimes life is about letting go and starting over. And that, as sad as it is, goes with a lot of crying."

I think.... I think I just need to keep reminding myself that it's okay to cry.... And that everything will be okay. Eventually...

Keeping busy...

I had two job interviews over the past two days and so I feel like I have been driving the length and width of Iowa... Lots of filling the car up with gas. :-P

Please keep me and those two jobs in your good thoughts and prayers. :-)

I had about a 4.5 hour drive home this afternoon.... I had a lot of fun cruising the back highways of Iowa, with the windows down, listening to country music and eating sunflower seeds. I passed 5 tractors, and saw at least 30 fields of cows and 10 cemeteries. I also drove along a part of highway labeled "Johnny Carson Blvd." It was awesome. :-)

I *did* get to eat at my favorite sushi place, Taki, last night. It ended up not being so bad that I was lame and by myself. I had fun shamelessly flirting with the waiter. :-)

I have acquired a super lame sunburn and it's to the point where it's really itchy, but really tender. I hope it clears up before Isaac and Laura's wedding...

It's supposed to thunderstorm tonight... That would be cool...

David Tennant is scheduled to be at Comic Con in San Diego at then end of July.... *dies* I wish I could at least AFFORD to go.... I wouldn't even be able to see him though... The event is completely sold out already. But still... Something crazy needs to happen to bring him to Iowa. Or at least Chicago.

Jessica and I have been keeping up our running schedule fairly well, aside from the days when it rains. We've been doing about a mile at a time and today we upped our distance to 1.3 miles. Despite the 80 degree weather and noticeable humidity it was a good run. I've noticed I recover faster (like when I get out of breath) and that is nice--and a sure sign that I am getting in better shape! We plan on running tomorrow morning, as long as it doesn't rain... I am in charge of making that call.

In other news, I recommend this website: Thrift Horror! People post the "treasures" they find at their local second-hand stores... It's highly entertaining!

I have more intriguing things to write, but I feel I need to let them percolate a bit more...



My heart knows a lovely song
It whistles it all day long
If you know the melody
Please whistle it back to me…

See, I'm smiling.... That means we're gonna be okay...

But it's fine, it's fine, it's fine
I mean, I'm happy
And I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine

Honestly:

I'm terrified.

This requires a different kind of bravery.

Reflecting....

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
___

It's scary to think about dreams not coming true.
___

"Care more than other think wise,
Risk more than other think safe,
Dream more than others think practical,
Expect more than others think possible."

Essay Question:

"No boy is worth crying over, and the one who is will never make you cry."

Discuss.

"The Girl in Your Pocket"

Hello, it's the girl in your pocket,
The voicemail stored on your phone,
A silent light in memoriam,
Of a girl who feels alone.

Hay, it's the girl in your pocket,
The text message where you didn't reply,
Sending you a few bytes of encouragement,
Writes a girl who finds it hard to get by.

Straw, it's the girl in your pocket,
Facebooking to see if you're there,
Hoping to see your name in her newsfeed,
Pokes the girl who wants you to care.

Hi, it's the girl in your pocket,
Feeling the silence that stings,
Do you know she's just a phone call away?
From the girl who wishes you'd ring.

It's me, again. The girl in your pocket.
By herself on a Saturday night.
Deserving more that a second thought,
Hoping you'd call her tonight.

Hey... It's the girl in your pocket,
Do you notice the time that goes by?
If she didn't call, what would happen,
Wonders the girl who wants you to try.

Hi. It's the girl in your pocket. Again.
The damsel who wants to be won,
Wishing to know if your phone's even working,
Asks the girl who misses the fun.

Surprise! It's the girl in your pocket,
She gave you her heart a few months back,
Have you forgotten her already?
Says the girl who wants tape for the cracks.

Hello!? It's the girl that you have in your pocket.
Calling yet another time...
Remember? The wisher, the dreamer?
Sighs the girl who is alone, not alive.

(c) Sarah T. Schnoebelen 6-08-09

Master List evaluation...

Number 53......

FAIL.

The fun starts at 7 pm...

Neil Patrick Harris is hosting this year's Tony Awards! Watch it! You must, you must!!!!


I can haz Dr. Horrible reference? Pleeeeeeease?

You can see who is nominated here.


Oh, and Raul Esparza is nominated.... *love*

Oh! AND so is the super handsome Gavin Creel who was the the waiter, Bill in the Eloise movies.... He is..... dreamy.... :-) .... Evidently he's in Hair... I hope he still looks good all hippie-iffied.

Garfield minus Garfrield

This is what I feel like when I call schools about resumes.

Today I....

-Got up at 7am and ran 1 mile with Jessica
-Took a shower
-Finished my application for Starmont
-Took an hour nap
-Had lunch with Jessica
-Called the Registrar's Office about transcript requests
-Emailed about a job application
-Called the Iowa Board of Educational Examiners about who to send my transcript to
-Mailed a transcript request
-Called the Registrar's Office about why my graduation date wasn't printed on the transcript I just received
-Filled out the form for another transcript request
-Called the Registrar's Office to double check that my transcript is all 100% updated now
-Printed 3 copies of my resume/credential file
-Wrote 2 cover letters
-Printed 3 cover letters
-Made 12 photocopies of various things also for my credential file
-Mailed my application for Starmont and my 3rd transcript request
-Picked up an application for Ace Hardware

Tomorrow I:

-Teach summer lessons at Ventura
-Mail my applications for Tripoli and NE Hamilton
-Turn in my application for Ace Hardware
-Have a meeting about my stupid car insurance
-Work on whatever other job openings come up
-Call Hubbard-Radcliffe about my application
-Go see Night in the Museum II with Jessica, her mom and my brother Daniel

In the near future I:

-Need to make my car insurance payment
-Need to make my car payment
-Need to mail my credit card payment
-Deposit money
-Need to set up an oil change for my car
-Call the SB&T in Waverly
-Need to call other schools about my applications
-Call Fareway about my application
-Write down the dates when I'm subbing for the Mason City Municipal Band
-Look for a different credit card company

A quote from The Reduced Shakespeare Company...

"YBX GPK TFWJ WWTPRB, SP PEIAKNMPIR TZKWZ EZ XVKQZBC, UCZ P ANVZ SOXCTO USJ!"

OLVVWAJZU QWU HQ V AU RBPMN? HBOR ITU W DUKA H PBB ZF TEAJNL SHB YKWHF. P HVX. SWX GSPY'H OHOR.

E YINTRP RK QPJA XB OKK AWLGELH GPULUD, FXGL CBC NRJA HD EKIN.

Q: WT M N LUIY?
A: ULW.