History of Science

Because I talked about it... kind of a lot while I was at Bethel, I have decided to go through my History of Science notes, and post the quotes I find... Some of them are from me, writing to Rachel, who sits next to me, but most are from my professor.

"Guns don't kill people, people kill people... And so do monkeys--if they've got a gun." -me quoting Eddie Izzard.

"Mesopotamia means 'the land between two rivers.' This also applies to Iowa... Which they were going to call Mesopotamia, but it was already taken." -Dr. B talking about Pristine Civilizations.

"The Pyramids were just the result of Pharaohs trying to one-up each other. [class laughs] No really! They're a giant display of manliness! Compare that to Jack Ohle--'Look how big MY PE center is, compared to YOURS'--oops was that out loud?" -Dr. B discussing Egypt, obviously.

"5000 years ago, astronauts from Mars came-- they enslaved the neolithic people and gave them civilization." -Dr. B on the progression of tools throughout the early civilizations.

After telling us the story of Achilles and the Turtle:
"Common sense, common experience, people CAN catch turtles."

After a student decided to argue the point:
"Okay, you be Achilles---[dejectedly] I'm a turtle."

Student: Am I supposed to be moving?
Dr. B: Yes! You're Achilles! Look! [points to the running stick figure drawn on the blackboard] You've got speed lines and everything!"

"I've got snot... Does anyone have a Kleenex?" -Dr. B pausing one day in the middle of his lecture.

"So I'm standing on the North Pole... I'm Santa and it's the 1st day of winter and I'm getting nervous because Christmas is only 3 days away and the elves are way behind... So I'm yelling at them... And I'm standing here... How long is the day?' -Dr. B in lab discussing the winter solstice.

"I <3 [heart] my dog."
"I <3- [spayed] my dog" -Dr. B, talking about how pictures slowly changed into words over time.

"If you have a broken heart, you need to see a cardiologist." -Dr. B talking about the different phrases that surround the word love and heart.

"Pluto is out there saying 'Fine! I don't want to be in your crappy solar system anyway!'." -Dr. B, before class banter.

"How would I make a 'seven-a-gon'?"-Dr. B and Greek geometry.

"If the reformation didn't occur by Martin Luther--there is evidence that it would have happened eventually--just differently. This would be a 'Zwinkly College' and you'd have to go to 'Zwinkly Hall' to pay your bill." -Dr. B on the reformation. At Wartburg, (which is affiliated with the ELCA) Luther Hall is where the Controller's office is located. Just FYI.

"I hear voices in my head and they tell me to do bad things... Ooops! Was that out loud?" -Dr. B, before class banter.

"You're supposed to get at LEAST get 50% on my exams without studying... That's just how they're designed. What frightens me is when people get 40% on my exams--because that means I've damaged them." -Dr. B explaining how his exams work.

"True or False: If mares eat oats and does eat oats, little lambs eat ivy." -Question #169 on the first exam.

"Do I seem like I'm in a bad mood? Maybe I am." -Dr. B, before class banter.

"I've got snot... Does anyone have a Kleenex?" -Dr. B interrupting his own lecture.

"Remember Socrates? Well this was his high school graduating picture." Dr. B narrating his powerpoint.

"Do your bowels move? How much do they move?" -Dr. B talking about what medieval physicians REALLY did. (They dealt with laxatives.)

"Surgeons thought there was a little troll inside you... They'd cut you open and let it out." -Dr. B on medieval surgeons.

"Aristotle's son got all his father's works together and called it... I don't know... 'Aristotle's Greatest Hits.'" -Dr. B about the early medieval people rediscovering the Greeks.

"No, no, no! It's premature evacuation!" -Dr. B when everyone started to get ready to leave waaay before class was over.

"My spider sense is tingling..." -Dr. B, before class banter.

"People like me are really high strung... But you just don't realize it until I'm up on top of the chapel roof with a high powered rifle... Next thing you know there's a blurry picture of me on the front page of the newspaper." -Dr. B after someone sneezed really loud and a couple people jumped. (He was JOKING.)

"Yeah... He's sitting on midgets." -Dr. B referring to this picture.

"No one was like 'Yay the Renaissance is over! We've met our quota!' There was no 'End of Renaissance Day.'" -Dr. B and the progression of time.

"At the age of 45 Galileo achieved fame and immortality... Well fame at least, because he died in 1642." -Dr. B on the achievements of Galileo.


That's all I have in my notes so far! I hope you guys found them amusing!