Worn out.

I need something to make me happy, because right now I'm not. And I don't have a reason not to be happy. I just am.

Tonight at municipal band rehearsal the piccolo folder was gone. Someone else had accidentally grabbed it and then did not show up at rehearsal... And that was a pretty big crisis in my brain. I got to poke through 2nd flute and the 1st flute/piccolo combos. Bleh.

And I have decided I don't want to be an anal-retentive, order-obsessed band teacher like my middle-school band instructor has become. I sit next to her in band. I hear her mumble about Mr. Benzing and his "laid back" attitude. How he should "focus" and "pay attention" and "stop goofing off." I now see why so many of my classmates when I was in middle-school disliked her. Tonight she got after me in the middle of a song for not playing a piccolo solo that was written on her part but not mine. It took a while to explain that I had no clue was she was talking about because I was following the part in front of me, which was 2nd/3rd not 1st/piccolo. We got it all straightened out, but geez.... I struggle with sight-reading, it's definitely not my strongest point, but I was following what was in front of me. Grr...

And then yesterday at work I asked a supervisor who is in charge of safety procedures in the plant about learning to drive a forklift, because I'm always having to ask other co-workers to move stuff for me, and that takes up a lot of their time, when they have a billion orders to fill etc. And he was all like (in a "think-fast/make up reason/talk down to" kind of tone.) "Well, Sarah... I-I- I'd prefer you'd rather not." and I explained the situation, how when one person isn't here I have to get other people from my area to help me and he interjected "And that's okay." and I continued my explanation of "Well, it would be more efficient if I knew how to drive one. I told my [immediate supervisor] a couple weeks ago that I wanted to learn, and he said he'd talk to you. I didn't know if he had yet, because I haven't heard anything back." and he replied "Well, he probably did, and I just said that I preferred you not..." I said "Oh, I see." and he finished with: "Well, if we need you to learn, I guess we'll make sure you know."

And then I had to help finish an order, which I was already making him wait for while I talked to my supervisor.

I hate it when people patronize me. Yes, I'm younger, more inexperienced than some people. But I'm not stupid. And I'm definitely not twelve-years-old. I can act like it, but I have the maturity to KNOW that work is not the time and place for that kind of behavior. *growl*

I need to find time to write... I have some more stories cooking in my head. I pretty much have 9 hours to think to myself while I build ladders. I pass the time by telling myself stories. And I have lots of time to revise them.

Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I didn't wish all the time for something epic and adventurous to come along and let me be a part of it.

Jessica leaves for China on the 10th. Then my summer will go down the drain as I will have no one to hang out with and do basically nothing together. Everyone else is busy, or lives too far away. This is worse then when I'm at school. I won't even be able to call her on the phone.

Maybe I need more friends.

-Good news of the night. My package from Amazon.com containing the soundtracks to The Pirate Queen, Doctor Who, 110 in the Shade and Curtains looks like it will be arriving tomorrow. It had a departure scan in Des Moines today, according to the package tracker-thing.-

Sorry. This post isn't very exciting. I just wanted to type something out and clear my brain so maybe I can sleep. Gotta get up at 4:45 am tomorrow. Fun, lemme tell you.