I find it very impressive when I read the blog posts of some of my friends and they are able to express themselves so well. Being able to bare your soul and put into words whatever turmoil is fermenting inside... I don't think I am capable of that.
Maybe I just don't have problems that run that deep...
I don't know...
I mean, I do know that I don't write EVERYTHING in this blog... I usualy keep in mind who reads it and stuff. But it's often trivial things that I don't write about, and I can discuss them verbally with someone.
There are times when I think I'm letting life go by. Everyone else seems to be having more fun, or more of "something" that I'm not having. I have no clue what the somethings is, but it seems to be there. Annnd I don't have it.
Do you ever wonder what it would be like if you said what was really in your heart, knowing things would never work out?
Incredibly awkward and embarassing that's for sure... I've gotten over things, but I still wonder. *sigh* :-/
-I would also like to thank Scott for convincing me that dying my hair blonde was not the way to go. I'm soooo glad I didn't!
I hope and pray that someday God will bring the right person into my life... Dad assures me that the right person is out there. I guess I just haven't gotten to that junction in life yet.
But waiting is hard.
Oh, so very, very, hard.
I was asked not too long ago if I had ever been in love before. The answer was no. Since then I've had a small taste, and I want more... But... There's nothing. No guys, no interest. On either side.
Just Sarah writing in her blog again. About the same old topic of being single.
Except that this time, there are no crushes or secret pinings.
It's just... "Where is this guy?"
I must admit, there are times when I doubt... I wonder to myself: Is there really a guy out there for me? Or am I fated to remain an old maid for the rest of my life?
Sometimes it's hard hard to find things that make me happy. This cold doesn't help either. My class/work schedule often requires that I eat meals quickly and at times when there's nobody I know, with whom I can sit. To me, it's a kind of a depressing, lonely feeling... Then you have Matt who's like: "I'm on a first name basis with the college president and his wife! I know tons of people on campus! I can always find someone to eat with at whatever time I choose to eat. I have so many friends..."
Yeah, this makes me feel great. :-(
I no longer know where I'm going with this... I think I should go to bed. I am really tired.
Wow... To have someone who cares about you so much...You are so very lucky. You both are. And I'm so glad I know you both.
Sweet dreams be yours, dear, if dreams there be,
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me,
I wish they may and I wish they might,
Now good night, my someone, good night!
True love can be whispered from heart to heart,
When lovers are parted, they say,
But I must depend on a wish and a star,
As long as my heart doesn't know who you are...
...Now good night, my someone, good night
4 comments:
*hug*
for when I've nothing else to say, and nothing I say could do justice to what I mean. *hug*
Here's a quote for you that seems appropriate right now:
The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
Carrie (Sex and the City)
Define who you are first - I'm in the process of doing that right now - then worry about guys. Relationships are complicated...I haven't ever been in one, but even I can see that. It takes self-actualization to make it work.
Sarah - somebody will love you. And if that doesn't happen...you always have yourself.
i don't know emily but i'm gonna completely agree with and/or back her up. relationships are complicated. i speak from experience, and we don't need to go into that because you'll already know what i'm talking about.
carrie's right. learn to love you first, find out who you are. sometimes, relationships don't make that easier. i mean it's not like i never stop and ask myself "who am i?" or "why the hell do i even love him in the first place?" i ask that alot. when i met him i wasn't even really an i, i was a lot of little pieces of broken glass. and i'm so thankful for everything he did (and does) to help me. see essentially, he put me back together. and i came out whole, but i had his fingerprints all over me. i depended on him. and then, well, we say it. we know it. "when you left, it wasn't good for me."
i can't change anything that happened. i don't think i'd want to change anything, at least about him putting me together and me finding myself and him growing up and following his calling. sometimes, though, i wish we could know, now, who it is we're going to become. because it would make loving eachother a whole lot easier.
but then, the same goes for loving yourself. and there's not a shortcut. we all have to wait it out together.
appropriate lyrics:
"...here comes the rain again/falling from the stars/drenched in my pain again/becoming who we are..."
i'm not saying i blame isaac. i don't at all, i'm so thankful. i just wish i could help, so i offer my advice of meager worth, because, hey, look where i am now...
i just want you to know - it's alright to be lonely, sarah. learning to love yourself isn't all my little ponies and rainbowbright and cotton candy snowflakes. it's alot of here comes the rain again. trust me, for i know what i am talking about and not because i've got all of life figured out, either. it's not easy. and people will say "enjoy being single, it's fun!" but i know it can suck. so while i do encourage you to enjoy being single, i don't not condone your being sad.
in fact, if you are sad, drop me a line of some electronic sort and i'll send you cyber hugs.
don't worry, sweetheart. there is a knight in shining armour out there for you, too. seriously, there is. he's probably got a white horse, too. the thing is, he doesn't know exactly where you've spirited yourself off too, and you might not see him coming because he might be pretending he's not a knight. (boys are silly and love bites.) but just know that he's looking for you, too, just like you're looking for him.
hey - why is it i always end up actually saying sort of profound-ish things in sarah's blog and not mine...hmm. curious. wink. and one more thing. emily, are you majoring in psychology?
I like this song. It may not be a message you are searching for, but it has a feel good tune to it. I thought it would be a nice addition.
"There's a Rose
In a fisted Glove
and the eagle flies with the dove
and if you can't be with the one you love
it's alright
Go ahead and love the one, love the one, love the one your with
love the one, love the one, love the one your with
If your guy can't come to you
and you don't remember who your talking to
your concentration slips away
because your baby, she"
so it would be 'he' in your case
"is so so far away
Don't be angry
don't be sad
Don't sit cryin' for good times you had
There's a Rose
In a fisted Glove
and the eagle flies with the dove
and if you can't be with the one you love
it's alright
Go ahead and love the one, love the one, love the one your with
love the one, love the one, love the one your with"
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