2008 Elections or "god" has a hotmail account...

Sooooo.... I'm all about free speech. It's a right in the US that often gets challenged, but it's here... And I just felt I had to state that before I go on...

(And all of my quotes, unless otherwise noted are directly copied and pasted from this website. I promise I could not think up this stuff...)


So my brother Matthew was talking about the 2008 Presidential candidates. For school mom made him look up a list... And she intended him to look up just the main, front-runners, but he evidentially didn't hear that part and looked up almost everyone who is running for president this year on the Republican ballot.

Evidentially, there is a man who goes by the name of "Saint Michael Jesus Archangel" running for president.

(BWAAAHAHAHAHA *chokes* ahem...)

This is what the description of this candidate reads:

This gadfly candidate -- who also uses the name "Saint Michael Jesus the Archangel" (note: formerly named Philip Silva until he legally adopted the Archangel moniker in 1996) -- appears rather delusional. "From the time I was a little boy I knew I was God and Michael the Archangel, but I didn't dare tell anyone, not even anyone in my family because I knew that the devil, Satan, was going to try to murder Me, and indeed he did try, four separate times," he explains. He says he's a Vietnam War veteran who attempted suicide due to depression and paranoia. He also claims he later became a "a volunteer Secret Agent for the Central Intelligence Agency without pay." A former janitor, he is a self-employed "writer" these days. As for politics, he describes himself as a "radical conservative Republican" who recognizes "the fact that America is an official Theocracy." Archangel was arrested on attempted murder and other felony charges in March 2006. "As a matter of fact, he is crazy. Anyone in their right mind can see that," said the Sheriff who arrested him.

So that description alone piqued my interest... He thinks he is God, and he says he has worked for the CIA for free. Innnteresting. (And it seems like everyone and their dead aunt is some form of "self-employed writer." I'm sorry about the generalization, but I had to point that out.) But it gets better! He's been arrested for attempted murder. Preeeeetty recently. Does attempted murder sound like something "god" would do? (P.S. And America is not a "Theocracy" AT ALL! just in case you were wondering.)

So, wanting to find out more about this guy I went to his website, which is hosted, ironically, by Angelfire. (Hahaha!) Amid all the small pictures that denote links such as "Archangel Army" "Archangel Space Force" and "Cosmic Bank Reserve" (which leads to a page where you are asked to donate money.) There is a small link to his presidential campaign under a picture of the Statue of Liberty in front of the US Flag. Did I mention that some of the pages play Handel's Hallelujah Chorus?

After another plug for his "2nd Best Selling Book" (After the Bible of course... Which he also claims to have written) The visitor is greeted with this:

LET THE MATRIX TEACH YOU THAT YOU CAN OVERCOME YOUR CONDITIONING TO ACHIEVE VICTORY OVER SATAN!

Followed by a windows media trailer from the Matrix online game... thing. From 2004.

After all the links, he continues to plug his book and ask for money... Including a lengthy catalog of various "God/Christian" related texts. You have to scroll almost halfway down this page to find anything regarding his stand for presidency.

He is against abortion. (Italics have been added):

I will outlaw by Executive Order all abortion in America because it has committed genocide against 40 to 50 million innocent helpless babies in America alone which cannot be tolerated any longer in a country that, according to a Supreme Court decision, is officially Christian. The judicial branch, the judges of this country, are by and large responsible for the baby-genocide and they cannot be allowed to escape the punishment for their countless murders. We know the names, addresses, and personal data of all those who have committed abortions, and enabled them. I will order their arrests and imprisonment the same day I am inaugurated into the Presidency. They will be put to death within a year as the Bible in the Old Testament mandates capital punishment for murderers, and in the book of Revelation they are condemned to Hell. Jesus Christ at no time or place did away with the death sentence for these scumbags....

That whole statement alone makes me go "Ooooooh really?" in my most sarcastic tone... I mean.... I'm against abortion... Really against abortion! But I do not think that is how one should go about getting rid of it...

He's against tobacco use:

I will put an end to tobacco smoking and chewing by Executive Order in America because they claim the lives of approximately 500,000 Americans every year...this is not even mentioning the illnesses short of death and lost productivity that our nation's people suffer as a result of the murderous greed of the tobacco lords. Thus it is seen that smokers are both suicidal and homicidal, while the tobacco lords are enablers of suicide and murder, genocidalists just like the abortionists.

He's also against gay marriage, illegal immigration, amnesty (or at least, not until we have illegal immigration under control), among a whole string of other things he is against regarding those topics including dual citizenship... I'm not even gonna go there... You can read for yourself.

He supports healthy foods and natural cures:

I will work to end the persecution of the natural health, food, supplement and medicine industry with safeguarding legislation and order the establishment of a Natural Health Agency which will oversee the certification of a 2-year training period in Natural Health and Medicine for medical students, ongoing education in natural health and medicine for working doctors and the worldwide dissemination of natural health products and literature.

I never thought of natural foods etc. as being "persecuted." All I can really say to that paragraph is: Goooood luck with that.....

Other points of interest:

During My [Saint Michael Jesus the Archangel] Campaign I will work to convince Archangel/President Gabuthelon George W. Bush to have the Congress pass the National Economic Stabilization And Recovery Act on the Internet atNESARA so he can sign it into law, with the exception of its tax provision since the Heavenly Money will do away with taxation and its need completely. If the President and Congress do not accomplish this deed, then I will take it up during my time in office and see it through.

Yes folks. That says "Archangel/President Gabuthelon." Ooooh-mah-gooodness....

The next part talks about how he will choose a female conservative running mate, and how he will make a law requiring the Pledge of Allegiance to be said in all schools at the beginning of each school day.

He says he will also abolish the teaching of macro-evolution or as he calls it "monkey-business" and only teach intelligent design. (I would just like to interject that I do believe in intelligent design, but I don't believe that people should be FORCED to believe it, or that people should not be allowed to think and hold different opinions about how everything came to be. Go watch "Inherit the Wind.")

The rest of his presidential stands go on and on. Read them yourself without my commentary... It's all utterly ridiculous. I want to move on about other things regarding Archangel...

Where to start....

Here... This was taken from the autobiography that he has on his "Archangel Michael's Adventure" page, and it's dated March 26, 2005. (I added the italics.)

From the time I was a little boy I knew I was God and Michael the Archangel, but I didn't dare tell anyone, not even anyone in my family because I knew that the devil, Satan, was going to try to murder Me, and indeed he did try, four separate times. You might remember how Satan used King Herod to kill 200 innocent infants in a botched attempt to murder My Big Brother, Jesus Christ, Whose parents, My spouse the Blessed Virgin Mary Michelle and her guardian spouse, Saint Joseph, had fled with Him into Egypt after Joseph had been warned in a dream.

Dreams can be very interesting things. In 1982, I had an out-of-body experience (Some would say these experiences are only dreams to belittle what are actual events) in which I was taken up to Heaven to float in the air in front of God the Father's Glory, the Shekinah. It was an ecstatic feeling I experienced there, hovering in front of what appeared as a Sun, but was really the fiery Glory hiding the invisible Father. As the Light of Yahweh penetrated My very Being, I felt what can only be described in human terms as an infinite orgasm ever-increasing in power. The experience only seemed to last a few seconds, and when I woke the Father asked Me what I wanted of Him. I remembered what King Solomon (He and Moses were My best students in the Heavenly School the angels attend before coming to Earth on divine missions if they choose to do so.) asked for under similar circumstances: wisdom to rule God's people. I thought to Myself: What is higher than wisdom? That's what I want...and the answer came to Me right away...Love is higher than wisdom, so I spoke to the Father saying, "I want more love, and I want to bring a lot of people to You." The Father said "So be it," which is the translation of "Amen."

I wish I could post a picture of my face after I read this....

Okay, okay, okay... A short recap to get things straight...

His is "god."
His big brother is Jesus.
He is married to the "Blessed Virgin Mary Michelle" (who happens to be the the mother of his "big brother"... Wrap your head around THAT one!)
And he taught King Solomon and Moses at "Heavenly School"

WHAT!????

This guy is mental. For real. Like insane. Yes, he has the freedom of speech, and freedom to express what he wants.... But wow... I can't even begin to formulate a coherent statement to reply to his autobiography... Except to maybe quote Lourey's boyfriend, by saying "Prove it!" Are there people who are actually going to VOTE for this man????

But this just makes me choke with laughter... (Ask my mom... I was reading some of this stuff to her earlier... She agrees that it's weird, but doesn't find it as amusing as I do...) This is taken from his page about his church:

Greet people now with HEAVENo to make them think about Heaven rather than HELLo, the old non-Christian greeting which subliminally makes them think about Hell! Peace! Paz! Pacem! Shalom! I, Saint Michael Jesus the Archangel, God the Great Holy Spirit, the Metatron of all, King of the Earth and Sun, Governor of the United Domains Of Heaven, and CEO/Founder of the One World Government United Domains Of Heaven And Earth And One World Religion Catholic And Protestant Christianity have put My complete Catalog on another webpage which you can reach by clicking on the Free Catalog link above, but below is a partial Catalog. Michael is now raising the $50 million needed to build His Castle/Cathedral which He wants to place on a square mile just north of Midland, Michigan.

Buy god's catalog so you can help fund his church in..... Michigan. I don't have anything AGAINST Michigan... I have an uncle who is from there.... But Michigan? Is that just because that is where he is, as in, living currently? Or is there something particularly special about Michigan? (I do know there is a town called Hell in Michigan...) I also like how is he refers to himself as the "CEO/Founder" of basically the world and religion itself.

And I kind of wonder, if he really WAS god, why does he need to build an entirely NEW church? (That is seven stories high, and will include an "Olympic size swimming pool for mass baptisms and recreational swimming, a large restaurant and nightclub, apartments for visitors, living quarters for Michael himself, and a 24/7 prayer room.) What's wrong with the other churches that are already there?



You know.... I have a bunch of other things to say but it's getting late and I'm starting to feel redundant. So I'll leave you, (if you've read, or at least scrolled down this far) with these three things:

1. The copyright claim at the bottom of all of Michael's pages:

Copyright 2004, 2005 by Father Saint Michael Jesus the Archangel: United Domains of Heaven. All Rights Earthly and Heavenly Reserved.

Much like the joke of Christmas with Wartburg (when the soloist sang "but we don't know who he is" instead of "but we didn't know who you was" during the song "Sweet Little Jesus Boy") this makes me want to go: Drat! Now we have to worry about copyright in Heaven too? But really... Think about it: If there are people in Heaven who are going to steal someone's composition/intellectual property and claim it as their own, they probably shouldn't be in Heaven anyway.

2. His contact information:

The United Domains Of Heaven Earth Embassy,
Post Office Box 2281, Midland, MI 48641-2281,

and his email: MichaelJesusArchangel@hotmail.com

Yes, you read it here, ladies and gentlemen... god has a hotmail account. It's free, it's easy and it "brings you more. More space (5 GB), [and] more security!" Personally, I think it's really great that god will be able to switch between the classic version and the Windows Live Version whenever he chooses. [/sarcasm]

I also feel bad that the Embassy of Heaven and Earth only has a post office box... Seems kind of cheap, doesn't it?

Or maybe I'm the only one who (sarcastically) thinks that way.

3.

Saint Michael Jesus the Archangel is an accomplished and very prolific Writer. It's no wonder. When He took the IQ test given to Him in high school, His high school counselor informed Him that they couldn't measure His IQ because His score had gone off the top of that test. All that could be figured is that His IQ is over 180. It is His telepathic links with Yahweh God the Father and Jesus Christ God the Son that actually give Him an infinite IQ like Theirs. He later joined Mensa, which is on the Internet if you want to learn if you qualify to be a certified genius, and recently started His own United Domains Of Heaven Mensa Chapter.

Okay, so the main reason this is funny is mostly a Wartburg related thing... At school, our cafeteria is called the Mensa (meaning "refectory" in German.) So the line "He later joined the Mensa" just rocked my face because I instantly pictured him serving food or something at school. :-P


Overall... The whole thing is quite weird, very odd, and very funny.

Remember Iowans! When you're caucus-ing on January 3rd, stay in "god's" corner!

:-P