Randomness...

So, I'm back from visiting my friends at Bethel. I love visiting there.... The atmosphere is so different from Wartburg... And I always end up making more friends each time I go, which adds to the desire to keep visiting....

A funny thing that happened while I was there... Derek was talking to me and evidentially forgot my gender... and asked me, in all seriousness, that when I was little and took off my shirt in the summer, did I ever tie it to the the handle-bars of my bike... Which I responded to with: Uhhhhhhh..... No? Huh? Of course I never took my shirt off in the summer.... I'm a girl. And he was like, --Oh yeah... Um, I mean I used to do that.-- And then he finished his story which doesn't matter to the rest of THIS story.

I stayed with my very good friend Bre... We were childhood friends. She is a sweetheart and it was so good to see her! I was very sad to leave!

We had a really good talk last night just about life... We talked about boys we like and boys we used to like....

...And about growing up. Which we both concluded was hard. And harder for some people more than others....

Through our talk these are some of the things I've realized:

-I have become genuinely okay with being single. I really truly am.... It's actually a nice feeling... I think I should bookmark this post or something and read it when I'm back to feeling lonely... I'm just tired of chasing after guys and pining for them and wishing my life was perfect.

-I can't do everything. As much as I try, it's impossible.

-I am not at college to be fulfill the "mother" roll to my friends. They each have their own mother and they don't need another one. If they are smelly and need a shower, I will tell them that they stink, but it is not my job to keep tabs on how often they bathe.

-I cannot be the boss. I cannot control the lives of my friends. I cannot hold their hand and lead them to where *I* want them to be. Everyone has to learn from their own choices and mistakes.

-That there are some things that just ARE NOT MY BUSINESS. If my friends want me to know something, they will tell me. It is none of my business to ask them where they were every single hour of the freaking-day, who they hung out with when I am not with them or what they did. It's one thing to ask if they had a good time, it's another to ask "who-what-where-when."

-I bottle my emotions a lot and I am not the only one who does this. This is probably not very healthy and is more often then not a temporary solution to a longer term problem.

-I am really independent, yet I long for human companionship and support. To me this is very conflicting. I haven't figured this one out yet...

-I complain a lot, but I don't know how I fit into certain categories... Do I complain about things just to get them off my chest, so-to-speak? About things that I could really deal with and change if I wanted to? Or do I complain about things that I can't change? Or do I just complain too much in general?

-"My 'Knight in Shining Armor' turned out to be an idiot in tin foil."

-I don't get into enough "deep/thoughtful/thought provoking" conversations at Wartburg.

-Getting over crushes can be really really hard.

-I truly don't believe that my "Knight in Shining Armor" is at Wartburg. I don't have a clue WHERE he is, but he's not at Wartburg.

-"If only/If you weren't" conversations suck and hurt my feelings.

-"A true friend sees th pain in your eyes when everyone else believes the smile on your face."

-It's really awesome to have good guy friends.

-I miss Jessica, and I'm really lucky to have a friend like her.

-Sometimes I ask weird/random/out-of-place questions because I don't understand the situation completely.

-I feel honored when people ask me for advice.

-My life is not a Drama, a Chick-flick, a Horror, a Thriller, an Action-Adventure, a Comedy, a Tragedy, or something in the Science-fiction category. My life is its own genre.

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I have more, but I need to go to bed. I have an eye appointment tomorrow. My eye is doing better! The pink-eye looks like it's gone and my eye is no longer sensitive to light. We'll see tomorrow if I get to go back to wearing contacts. *crosses fingers*