Errrggghhhh...

Has anyone watched "Most Haunted" on the Travel Channel? It is the funniest thing ever!!! It's about this crew of British people who go and explore "haunted places" throughout England. What makes it funny is the fact that the girls in the crew are so wimpy that they scream a lot.

[Background]: The usual crew are standing around a table in this big old house in Nottinghamshire (I think that's where was...) The house has been abandoned for quite some time, and the 3rd floor is inaccessible due to a severe fire 7 years ago. Derek, (with the help of Sam) has identified 3 ghostly beings: William, Elizabeth, Isobel/Isabel/Isabella, and the ghostly residue from a eight-year-old child. According to Derek/Sam *eye roll* William gouged the eyes out of the 8 year old boy, and then killed him, and later killed Elizabeth by violently stabbing her.... Ho-kay, so!

Yvette: If there's a spirit 'ere, please talk to us. Please? Please, make a noise or som'thing. We won't 'urt you... Elizabeth, are you 'ere? If you are, please move the table or som'thing. Please?

[something evidentially moves in the room, but is inaudible to the camera]

Guy 1 & Yvette: *gasp* Wha' was that?

Yvette: Elizabeth? Is that you? Please do it again. Move the table, or make a noise. Please? Please Elizabeth...

Guest psychic: Oh, goodness... She's righ' by me... I can feel 'er. She's grabbin' meh arms...[takes slow asthmatic breath] She's...{*rasp*]

Person on the right of Guest psychic: Are you alrigh'?

Guest psychic: Got... To... fight... her... off...... Get. Out...

Everyone else: .....!

Guest psychic takes another asthmatic breath, shudders then comes back.

Person on the right side of Guest psychic: Are you okay?

Guest psychic: Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay...

Yvette: Alrigh''... Elizabeth, if you can 'ear my voice, could you move the table please?

Derek: I feel... William is strong... He's pushing Elizabeth out.... Don't be afraid Elizabeth... He
can't hurt you, darling. Not if you aren't afraid. Come here Elizabeth... It's alrigh'...

Derek goes slightly limp, while still muttering to "Elizabeth." Suddenly he straightens.

Derek:[in a quiet voice, similar to when you try to talk while inhaling] ::He's here.... Wi.... William... Wi... He's here, he's here...::

Yvette: Elizabeth?

Derek: ::Yeh... Ye... Yess...::

Everyone else: ...*gulp*...

Yvette: Elizabeth, please get out of Derek's body and stay with us. Stay with us, please, but get out of Derek's body.

Derek jerks then stretches... He blinks.

Guy 1: Are you alright?

Derek: Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. She's a good soul... She's good.

Yvette: Okay... Elizabeth? Are you still 'ere?

[metaphorical cricket chirp]

Yvette:...uh... William? Are you 'ere? Could you move the table please?

[more silence]

Yvette: William? Please? Move the table... You were obviously a very strong man... Could you
move the table please? Or are you too much of a coward?

*CRASH BANG BOOM CLATTER BONK WHAMM-O*

Yvette, Guest psychic, Guy 1, Guys on Left and Right of physic: Beeeeeeep!!!!!! Wha- Beeeeeep!!!!!!! Oh! Beeeeeep!!! Holy-Beepbeepbeep!!!

Everyone else: Ah!!!! Beep! sh-Beeeeeep!!!! F-Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Derek: [Takes deep rasping breath. Bends over, slightly hunched, looks around through squinted eyes. His eyebrows are furrowed and his lips are pursed.] ::C-c-coward... Me?! Eh, coward? Whaaat are you doing here? Get out!::

Everyone: Beep? AH! BEEEEEP!

Derek: [pointing around the room] ::You! And you! Why are you hereeeee...::

Derek begins to limp around. Guy 1 follows him.

Guy 1: William? Is that you?

Derek: [raaaaaaasp] ::Yesssssss... Where is Li-... Liz-ehhh... Eh-lizehhhhh.... I'll ki..... What are
youuu doing here... It's my house, I have eh right to be here.....::

(Yvette in background: Oh, my goodness! Beeeeep!)

Guy 1: William, you are in the body of Derek...

Derek: *growl* ::Whyyy are you here??? Eh-liz-eh....beth...::

Guy 1: William! William, listen... You are in the body of my good friend Derek... Please don't hurt him. William...

Derek: ::Ehhhhhrrrrggggh..... [points to Yvette] Get that woman away from me!::

Guy 1: William, do you know that you are dead?

Derek: ::Ehhrrgghh... What is this tom-foolery? Ehhhhggggghhh...::

Guy 1: Yes. You are dead. Don't you know?

Derek: ::I live on! Ehhrrrgggggghhh... I live on!!!!!::

Guy 1: Derek... Come back Derek! Leave him William... GO!

Derek: ::Errgghh::

Guy 1 holds Derek to stop him from stomping around, and Derek breathes out a slow raspy noise, twitches, and then stretches. His face smoothes out, and he looks crosseyed and disoriented.

Guy 1: Derek? Are you alrigh'?

Derek: Yeah... Let's get out of here.

FIN