A list...

Things I like:
Conversations on the phone with Luke about super random things :-)
Out-of-the-blue phone calls from Jessica
The idea of passing my preview, especially before break
Going to visit Luke for a whole week
Conversation hearts
Hugs
Having a car
Practicing a lot and making progress
Being done with my capstone class
Sunshine
Getting to judge 5th grade solo contest at Hudson, IA
Being silly
Sleep
Feeling loved
Praying


Things I strongly dislike:
The way my complexion is beginning to show how stressed I am becoming
Being stressed in general
The nuisance of taking a shower
The idea of possibly pushing my preview back until I return from break
Back pain/general muscle discomfort
Making car/insurance payments
The possibility of having to take out another student loan
Midterms/finals
Not having enough hours in the day
Practicing a lot and not getting anywhere
The midi-lab
Writing program notes
Folding laundry
Being contrary
Flute lessons
Being frustrated



Also, I'm still trying to figure out WHY I'm having so much trouble learning all my arpeggios... Like, I understand the *theory* behind all of them... On paper I can write it all out and explain the differences. But I can't just *play* them off the top of my head. I've done things like write the note names on paper and on the staff... But nothing has really helped. I'm expected to be able to play them by memory in my lessons... and when I play my diminished and dominant arpeggios I have to really focus and map out what I am going to play... And that takes a long time... At least, longer than my flute teacher wants to wait. Especially when she wants me to be able to play all my major, harmonic minor, melodic minor scales, and major, minor diminished and dominant arpeggios in 10 minutes. (And there are 12 keys!) My brain just cannot work that fast... No matter how I try. I can do major scales... And most of my harmonic major scales. But everything else... I just need time to process... and the rate my teacher is trying to push me in my lessons... I just end up standing there TRYING desperately to think as fast as I can... and feeling so stupid because eventually I get so stressed that I take longer than my flute teacher wants to wait, or she gets tired of me messing up and rants about how "I should know these already."

And I've struggled with arpeggios since I started learning them... This isn't anything new. It's just gotten worse with each thing she keeps adding.

And I *know* I'm not stupid... (One's ability to play and construct various arpeggios should not be a determining factor of intelligence anyway...) But still! It's so frustrating that this is so hard! WHY is it so hard??? Why can't I just get my brain to work the way I want it to???? Why does this "deficiency" in my playing ability *make* me feel stupid??? I feel like I work so hard for something I never seem to be able to do "right."

I just... I just want it to be break. *sigh* I know that won't necessarily "solve" the all my problems... But life is better when I'm with Luke.

After break I just want to pass everything and be done with school. And have a job and move on to different adventures... And I know I'm not alone in thinking that....